Study examines effectiveness of parents' ability to resolve sibling fights

By Jim Barlow

The children are fighting again. As mom or dad, what do you do? Let them
fight or should you intervene? New research suggests the answer depends on
the kids' ages, what approach the parents plan to use, and whether it's mom
or dad who does the intervening.

UI family researchers observed sibling fights and parental responses in 88
two-parent families. Each family had a 3- to 5-year-old second child and a
first child who was two to four years older.

A surprising finding was that although the parents generally agreed in
questionnaires that talking with their fighting children or redirecting the
combatants' attention was the best action, parents usually ignored the
fights, said Laurie Kramer, a UI professor of family studies. When parents
did intervene, children responded differently to moms than to dads.

The age of the siblings was a key factor, said Kramer, who recently
reported the findings at a meeting of the Society for Research in Child
Development in Indianapolis. The research results are being prepared for
publication.

Mothers were most successful in their intervention of fights involving
siblings ages 3 to 7 rather than with older children, especially when moms
redirected children's attention to another topic or object.
"This makes sense, because younger siblings may need their mothers to help
them resolve conflicts and to set the relationship back on course," Kramer
said. "In contrast, older siblings know how to resolve conflicts - although
they may choose not to - and maternal intervention may in some way heighten
the animosity between the siblings."

Fathers had more success using collaborative approaches that sought
mutually acceptable solutions. "I think that fathers were relatively more
effective with this strategy than moms, perhaps, because children may
expect fathers to respond to their conflicts rather gruffly, with an
assertion of power," Kramer said. "When dad chooses another method, one
that actually involves the children and pays attention to their needs or
interests, the children may respond very positively."

Moms were not as effective using a collaborative approach with the younger
children, but overall, the researchers found, mothers could use a variety
of strategies successfully, as long as the moms didn't take an
authoritarian stand such as threatening to take away toys or simply
demanding that fighting stop.

"Most of the past studies on parental discipline have included only
mothers, or treated fathers and mothers as though they are
interchangeable," Kramer said. "This study says that is not the case."

Regardless of which parent responds, she said, a power approach was not
effective in setting the stage for favorable sibling encounters.